


Peroxide

by DreamWeaver14



Series: Oblivion Seemed Easier [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ash feels guilty as fuck, Ash leaves luke for someone else, Ash saves Luke, Break Up, But he comes back, Character Death, Cutting, Death, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Kissing, Love Confessions, Luke cuts, Luke leaves ashton to clean up his mess, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mental Breakdown, Pining, Sad, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, They love each other but are too dumb to say it, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Triggers, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension, ash and luke meet after death, ash dies too, im sorry, luke is depressed, super sad, they kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-25
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-20 17:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1518908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamWeaver14/pseuds/DreamWeaver14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title from Peroxide by Nina Nesbitt and also loosely based off of the song.</p><p>Luke and Ashton used to be a thing, but when Ash leaves Luke for someone else Luke starts to fall apart at the seams.  He holes himself away and prays for death to come and take him away.  But when one night he finds solace in a blade, he finds himself in over his head... Can Ashton save him?</p><p>Basically tooth-achingly, tear inducing fluff where two boys were too dumb to say 'I love you' when they should have and everything falls apart...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Maybe Tonight I Will Fall Apart

 

Luke’s heart burned as though someone had submerged it in peroxide, the sting being so intense that he was honestly worried that he might be dying.  Maybe he was actually dying, it’s not like he was really living anymore, holed away in his room avoiding the world and all the people in it.  It didn't really make much sense though, the band was really taking off and this should have been one of the best times of his life, but there he was with the curtains drawn, curled up on the large hotel bed immersed in the darkness of both the room and his own heart.  Alone with his thoughts was probably the worst way Luke could have chosen to spend his days, because his thoughts were cold and cruel, tormenting him with never ending self-hatred.

 

The only one who ever really tried to get through to him anymore was Ashton with his pleading eyes and soft words.  Luke just didn't get it, no matter how many times he pushed Ashton away he just kept coming back, like junk mail that refused to be deleted.  His voice was constantly ringing in Luke’s ears, a sweet melody replayed over and over in the quiet of Luke’s empty room.  Luke had to give Ashton credit for his unwavering persistence, calling and texting again and again until Luke would finally answer.

 

Honestly Luke felt like a train that was running out of steam, slow and sluggish, barely pulling himself through each and every day.  He had long since lost track of himself, unaware of how others might be seeing him, a cold calloused shell of a once gleeful boy.  But it didn't matter because his heart was broken even worse every time he would see Ash with his new girlfriend Annabelle.  You see the thing was that Luke had fallen in love with his best friend, and it hurt to see him with anyone else.  Luke felt slightly guilty when she had called him crying, telling him how Ashton had broken her heart and that they were no longer together, because secretly he felt such joy at that news.

 

Luke had told Annabelle after the break-up about he and Ashton’s short lived relationship that had ended when the band had gone out on tour.  She had been shocked, not believing that Ashton would ever see Luke as more than a friend, saying that Luke must have been mistaken.  But she didn't know all of the things Luke and Ashton had done, or the the things Luke had said just to try and get Ashton back.  But he’d had his chance and obviously he must have fucked up somewhere along the line because Ash had ended things as soon as the tour had been announced.

 

Luke was falling apart, wasting away as he hid from the world.  After a while even Ashton’s calls and messages were ignored, Luke’s heart breaking further every time he heard his voice or saw his face.  His eyes stung from all of the tears and his chest ached from the sobs that shook his thin frame.  He was just an empty shell, gutted and hollow from all of the misery.

 

Ashton had seen Luke as a beautiful rose in a field of thorns, too selfish the tell Luke that he himself was one of the many thorns in that field.  Ashton had just kept taking more and more from Luke until the younger had nothing but his own sanity left to offer, so Ashton had taken that too.  He had left Luke alone to deal with all the pain, and then showed back up as if what they had once had was never real as though it had never happened; and for Luke that had hurt worse than when the curly haired boy had left him in the first place.  But Ashton had never realized just how in love Luke was with him, having left to protect his own heart with the foolish fear that Luke had not loved him back.

 

Luke’s bloody fingers had trembled as he had dialed Ashton’s number that night, voice cracking as he spoke, “I-I’ve done something horrible Ash… and now I can’t get it to stop,” he had whimpered into the phone, blood trickling down his arm through the layers of gauze.  “Lukey what’s wrong?  Where are you?” Ashton had asked, panic clear in his tone. “‘M in my room… can’t get the blood to stop, Ash, ‘m scared,” Luke had whispered, his voice faint and weak as he breath grew shallow.  The line went dead and a moment later there was a pounding on the door.  “Luke, baby? Let me in, please,” Ashton had called, and after receiving no response he had forced the door open, gasping in horror at the sight that met his eyes.  Luke lay on his blood stained bed, red oozing from the cuts on his wrist, his body trembling.  “Oh Lukey, what did you do?” Ashton had cried, stumbling toward Luke’s crumpled body, pulling the young boy into his arms.  He had tugged his shirt over his head, pressing it firmly to Luke’s wounds to try and stop the bleeding.

 

“Why?” He had asked, “Why would you do this?” His eyes had search Luke’s foggy blue orbs as he had rinsed the younger boys arm before wrapping it tightly in a bandage.  Luke had just shrugged, leaning back against the bathtub, as he tried to avoid meeting Ashton’s eyes.  “I was tired of hurting, Ash, tired of being so god damn alone,” he had muttered, lips pressed in a thin line and eyes watering with tears.  “You left me and pretended like what we had was never even real, but for fuck’s sake, Ashton, it was real, okay? I loved you- I still fucking love you so damn much that it actually hurts because I know you’ll never feel the same.” Luke had ranted, tears rushing down his cheeks.  “Oh god,” Ashton had breathed, the guilt threatening to bring him to his knees, “Lukey, I left because I thought you would never love me the way that I had loved you.” he had said softly, scooping Luke up into a tight embrace.  He could feel Luke’s shaky breathing and the quiet sobs that had rattled his friends lanky body, his heart breaking at the realization the he himself had been to blame for Luke’s heartache.  

 

“Why didn't you ever tell me, Ash?” The younger had mumbled, rubbing at his red eyes and sniffling as he dried his damp cheeks.  Ashton remembered thinking that Luke had such pretty eyes, even when he cried.  “I don’t know, Luke, I guess I was just scared that you wouldn't feel the same, and that eventually you would find someone better and leave me all alone,” The older boy had admitted quietly, his hazel eyes brimming with tears that had remained unshed.  He had sighed softly, guilt clear in his eyes, before continuing, “So I left, I hurt you before you could hurt me.  I know it was stupid and mean, and I swear, Luke, that I am so unbelievably sorry.  I wish I could go back and do it all over, I’d never have left if only I had known,” and with that the tears waiting in his eyes had finally spilled over, running down his tanned cheeks, rolling down his face and leaving little tracks of wetness in their wake.  “I really fucked up, didn't I?” Ashton had asked, his tone bitter from the anger he had felt towards himself in that moment.  He had never meant to hurt Luke, god that couldn't be farther from the truth; he’d thought that he’d done Luke a favor by leaving.  He couldn't have been more wrong.

 

“Do you still love me?” Luke had asked quietly, his insanely blue eyes finding Ashton’s hypnotizing hazel orbs.  Ashton had rested his forehead against Luke's, closing his eyes before breathing out a quiet, “Yes, Lukey, I do; with all of my heart.”  With that Luke had tilted his head up, his soft pale lips finding Ashton’s plush cherry ones and pressing gently.  It was soft and sweet, and exactly what they had both missed so much in the past months.  Ashton had let out a soft contented sigh before cupping Luke’s face in his large hands, kissing back with slightly more force, savoring the feeling that he had missed so greatly.  Ashton had whined when Luke pulled back even though he was close enough he was still close enough that the the older boy could still feels their lips brush together when Luke had whispered his quiet plea.  “Promise you won’t ever leave me like that ever again.  Promise that you’ll stay,” Luke had pleaded softly eyelids fluttering as he looked into Ashton's kind eyes.  

 

Hours later when they had laid in the sheets of Luke’s hotel bed, chests heaving as they panted to catch their breath between kisses, Ashton had mumbled, “I promise that I’ll never leave again Lukey, I promise,” into the column of the taller boys throat, lips brushing over the sensitive skin of Luke’s neck.  Luke merely mewled in response, baring his throat for Ashton’s lips, tangling his long fingers in the drummers curly hair and pulling gently.  “I love you, Ash,” he had whimpered, tugging the older boys face back to his and pressing a chaste kiss into his already kiss-swollen lips.

 

And that was the night that both broken hearts had found their missing pieces, fixing one and other with soft kisses and gentle words.  That was the night that Ashton and Luke had rediscovered what it was to be loved, holding each other close and mumbling apologies into tattered skin.  Ashton’s lips had found Luke’s tender wrists, pressing faint kisses into the younger boy's raw flesh.  “Promise me that you’ll stop,” he had murmured against the soft skin of Luke’s wrist, his eyes finding Luke’s as he spoke.  “I promise,” Luke had breathed, blue eyes meeting hazel, honesty reading true in those electric blues.

 

 


	2. Believe Me When I Say I Tried

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke was trying, really he was... until one day he just wasn't anymore. Even with Ash by his side the hate was just getting to be too much and honestly he couldn't handle it any longer. How can you face down the hate from others when you haven't learned to stop hating yourself?

Six months ago when Luke had promised Ashton that he would stop, would cease to mar his own flesh with the blade of a razor, he had truly meant it.  But after a while he just didn't really mean it anymore, the rumors and hate were getting to him more with every passing day and the temptation he remembered so clearly was creeping back into the forefront of his mind.  He knew that Ashton would have been so disappointed, would have asked him 'why?' before saying how well he had been doing.  Luke's wrists and thighs itched for the sweet sting of a blade running across the thin skin, his eyes longing for the sight of blood running from the wounds.  He struggled through every day, never telling Ashton about the desires that were assaulting him, about the urge he had to cut into his own skin, about the fact that he wondered about what it might feel like to go to deep, what it might feel like to die.  But the guilt he felt about letting down the life had always been enough for him to resist, to fight those urges and desires, until one day it just wasn't enough anymore.  Thin little red lines had started to decorate his upper thighs, out of sight so Ashton wouldn't notice.

 

It had been a Friday night and Ashton had gone out with Cal and Mikey, leaving Luke home alone; that had been Ashton's first mistake.  He had asked if Luke had wanted to join them, and politely, Luke had declined claiming that he was too tired to go out and was just going to catch up on his sleep.  Believing Luke's cliché lie had been Ashton's second mistake.  Leaving the fresh pack of blades for his Gillette on the bathroom counter had been the third mistake of the night.  And as the saying would go, 'three strikes, you're out'.  But Ashton was not aware of Luke's twisted plan for that night, and had smiled, pressing a kiss to the taller boys’ lips before leaving.

 

Luke had waited for about half an hour just to make sure that there would no surprise visitors to interrupt him, before stripping down to his underwear.  He sat on the edge of the tub in his and Ashton's shared bathroom, pulling up twitter before cracking open the package of clean blades.  Luke had searched out the hate, scrolling through the negative words and relishing in the abusive tweets before prying a blade from the razor head, turning it in his fingers smiling as it glinted in the light.  He had soon returned his eyes to the screen of his phone, fingers tapping against his on screen keyboard as he composed what could have been his very last tweet.  With misty eyes Luke had posted the tweet before locking his phone and laying it on the counter next to the letter he had written for Ashton.  With a sad smile, Luke had picked up the small blade and sank down onto the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, tears running down his cheeks.

 

He had pressed the blade into the skin of his milky thighs first, each cut a little deeper than the one before, sinking further and further into his pale flesh, staining his cream colored skin crimson with blood.  The blood had run down the sides of his legs dripping down and pooling on the white ceramic tiles below.  Luke had watched as the blood had begun to puddle, a lazy grin pulling at his pale lips as he watched it seep from the cuts.  It was like he was bleeding out all of the pain he felt, cleansing himself in a sense.

 

Ashton had been sitting in a random booth at the club the he, Calum, and Michael had selected for the night.  Absentmindedly, he had been scrolling through his twitter feed, occasionally sipping at his beer.  That's when he had seen the tweet.

@Luke5SOS I just wanted to say how much I love you all and that I am sorry.

Ashton had been out the door of the club and sprinting back toward him and Luke's flat before he had even finished reading the cryptic tweet.  Tears had flowed down his rosy cheeks as his feet pounded against the slate gray cement sidewalks that lead toward the flat.  He feared that he would not make it in time fearing that the ten minute jog might be too long, that he might be too late.

 

He had thrown open the door to the flat, his sneaker clad feet slapping against the hardwood as he had run to he and Luke's shared bedroom.  His eyes had searched the room only to find light streaming from under the bathroom door.  Ashton had held his breath as he swung the door open, shrieking at the puddle of blood that had formed around his lover.  In a panicked haze he had scrambled to Luke’s side, pressing his ear to the younger boys chest, breathing a slight sigh of relief at the sound of his quiet breathing.  Quickly, Ashton had wrapped Luke’s wrists in tight bandages, wincing as the blood began soaking through the material.  His fingers had smeared blood across the screen of his phone as he had called for help, his voice shaking from the tears he had been weeping.

 

The doctors had told  Ashton that Luke might not have survived had he not gotten to him when he did, had said that the blood loss would have been to great and that Luke would have died that night, curled up on the bathroom floor.  Ashton had sat by Luke’s bedside for days watching as each bag of blood had slowly emptied, replacing what Luke had lost so much of.  Ashton had cried day in and day out for nearly a week and still Luke had not stirred from his eerie slumber and Ash was beginning to ear that maybe he never would.  The thought of never hearing Luke’s voice or laugh and never seeing those hypnotizing blue eyes and that beautiful dimpled smile again hurt so bad that Ashton thought he was being stabbed in the heart.  Calum and Michael had stopped by numerous times, hoping that maybe the guitarist might have awoken only to be disappointed when Ashton would look up sadly and shake his head, his hazel eyes stained red with tears.  They feared that if Luke did not awaken that Ashton might never be the same, worry consumed them as they had watched Ashton slowly fading. 

 

It had been eight painfully long days since that horrible night when Luke had finally awoken from his slumber.  His eyes had been empty when he had looked around the hospital room, almost as though he had been disappointed about being alive.  But it hadn’t taken long for anger to fill his hazy blue eyes, which had been directed at Ashton, “Why couldn’t you just let me die?” he had seethed, eyes narrowed at the older curly haired boy.

“Because I love you too much to lose you Lukey, I couldn’t picture a life without you by my side.  Without you I am nothing, just an empty shell of a person, gutted from the loss of the person that I love most in this world.” Ashton had whispered sadly, eyes focused on the floor as tears rolled down his rosy cheeks.  “I saved you because I am too selfish to face life without you Luke.  Words cannot even begin to describe how badly I need you for the sake of my own survival.”

“I hate you,” Luke had hissed, tears tracking down his pale face as he glared at Ashton.  But even Luke himself knew that he could never truly hate Ashton, that he too could never face life without the curly haired boy.

“I love you,” Ashton had mumbled before getting up to leave, deciding to accept Michael and Calum’s previous offer to stay at their flat for a while, at least until someone was able to take care of the mess Luke had made because Ashton sure in hell wasn’t in the right state of mind to be cleaning his boyfriends blood off of their bathroom floor.  He was almost out the door when Luke had whispered a faint, “I’m sorry.” To which Ashton had replied, “Don’t be.” and with that Ashton left to spend the first of many nights without his Lukey by his side.

 

It had been ten day since Luke had awoken and Ashton was beaming because that meant there was only four days left before Luke could come home.  The tension between the two was still obvious but they were trying to at least work things out, both missing one and other like crazy.  Luke still hated himself for hurting Ashton and Ashton still hated himself for not noticing that Luke had been slipping away.  It seemed that he had become paranoid, constantly asking Luke if he was okay, and to be honest it was driving Luke up the god damn wall.  He hated that Ashton didn’t seem to trust him anymore, like he was afraid to leave him alone or something. 

“God, Ashton, it was a fucking dumb ass mistake, okay? I get that, alright?” Luke had finally snapped after the tenth time of Ashton asking him if he felt okay.

“I do get it Luke, honest to god I do.  I just don’t want you to keep making the same fucking mistake.  Did you ever think to realize that maybe I am absolutely scared shitless by the fact that I could wake up one morning to find you dead in the bathtub, or bled out on the bathroom floor.  Do you realize how much that fucking scares me?  That I could wake up one day only to find that you didn’t?” Ashton had ranted his face red with anger, long fingers tangled in his curly hair.  “I can’t live without you, okay?  That just won’t happen, and it scares me to think of what I might do to be with you.  I have thought of all of the ways I could kill myself, Luke, just in case I was ever too late.  I’ve thought about overdosing, slitting my wrists, maybe even my throat, jumping from some great height, and even shooting myself, Luke.  Do you not realize that if you die I die too?” Ashton’s eyes searched Luke’s; trying to somehow show Luke how serious he was about taking his own life.

“Don’t ever follow in my footsteps, Ashton, because I’m walking on quicksand, and I’m sinking fast.  Don’t let me drag you down any further than I have already.” Luke had murmured, avoiding Ashton’s eyes, choosing instead to stare at the ceiling of his hospital room.  He hated knowing that Ashton was sinking with him, falling deeper into the same depression that had been suffocating him for the last two years.  “Ashton, you’re better off without me and we both know that.” Luke had said softly.

“Luke,” Ashton had breathed, reaching for the younger boys hand only for Luke to yank it away.  “Luke, please don’t do this.” He had begged, reaching out again only to receive the same response.

“Ash, I’m sorry but I think it’d be best if you left,” Luke had paused, tears streaming down his cheeks, ”and didn’t come back.” He had finished, and in the silence of the room he swore that he could hear Ashton’s heart crash and shatter into a million pieces.  “Just let me go Ash, save yourself some pain in the future when I finally manage to get it right.  Leave now so you have time to forget me, to forget us, before you can fall any further in love.”

 

And little did Ashton know, but that would be the last time he ever heard Luke’s voice in person.  He never saw it coming, but by the time he did catch on it had been too late.  He had gotten there just in time to watch Luke as he jumped, then fell ten stories to the concrete below.  Luke had finally gotten what he wanted, but at what price?  Ashton had to watch as the love of his life plummeted to his grizzly demise, blood splattering the pavement and Luke lying on the cold cement in a crumpled heap of torn skin and broken bones.  Luke had left Ashton alone, had freed himself but had left Ashton to deal with the repercussions of his death.  And Ashton just couldn’t help thinking that it wasn’t fair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep going or leave it?
> 
> This part is for stylinshipper for being awesome! :D


	3. Chapter 3

In the months that had followed Luke's suicide, Ashton routinely found himself sitting on the same ledge that Luke had thrown himself from; just looking down at the people below, people who didn't know how much he too wanted to jump.  He never did though, didn't have the courage to take that leap, he lacked Luke's confidence about his actions; instead he had taken up one of the many habits he had fought to help Luke overcome.  Tugging down his long sleeves in the middle of August, Ashton felt guilty for how weak he had thought Luke was for resorting to finding comfort in a blade, because now he understood the pain it took to come to that point.  He smiled sadly at the hypocrisy he was living by, finding solace in pills, razors, and long nights of drinking.  He could practically feel Luke's disappointment, swore he could hear Luke whispering, 'I thought you were stronger than this, Ash,' the words swirling through his mind.  But Ashton wondered if Luke knew how the guilt was eating him alive, how much Ashton had screamed and cried when the realization that he had been too late had finally sunk in.  He wondered whether Luke felt bad about how badly he was hurting.  He wondered what Luke had been thinking when he had written Ashton that final letter, explaining why he had to leave.  Some might call it a suicide note but Ashton saw it as Luke's final goodbye.  Solemnly, Ashton had fished the wrinkled paper from his pocket, unfolding the tear-stained parchment.  
   
 _Ashton,_

_I need you to know how unbelievably sorry I am for leaving you like this, for hurting you just one last time.  But I promise that this will be the last time I ever hurt you, Ashton.  I know that you have been worried about the distance I have been putting between us but I swear that it is for the best.  I hope that someday you might find it in your heart to forgive me, but if you find that to be impossible I understand.  Remember how I asked you not to follow me because I've been walking on quicksand?  Well, I finally sank, Ash, and I am done struggling to get back out.  I've given up on trying to get better and for that I will be forever sorry, but I swear that this is for the best.  All that I ask of you is that you don't follow in my footsteps, because I fear that you too will sink, and you deserve so much more than that, Ash.  I just want you to know how much I love you, and that I am so sorry.  Please forgive me, Ash.  I know it is going to hurt like absolute hell but please try to go on with your life, don't let this hold you back.  That is all I ask of you Ashton, please keep living your life, and go on without me._   
_I'm so sorry and I'll always love you,_

_Luke_  
   
The tears had run freely from Ashton's eyes as he had finished reading the letter that he already knew by heart.  "God fucking damn it, Luke. Why?" The drummer had sobbed, holding his face in his hands.  He hated Luke for leaving him like this, for letting him sit here and try to put everything back together.  It just wasn't fair for Ashton to be left trying to patch up his heart and move on with his life, and Luke should have realized that Ashton wasn't strong enough to do it on his own any longer.  The tall lanky blonde should have realized how his death would tear Ashton into a million tiny pieces, but for some reason he hadn't.  

"I fucking hate you so much," The older boy had seethed, his eyes glazed over with tears and his face red with anger.  "Was I not worth staying for?  Was what we had not a good enough reason for you to stay?" He had questioned, though he knew he would never receive any reply.  "All I want to know is whether or not it was worth it?  Was it worth killing me on the inside, Lukey?  Was it worth making me long to end my own life?  Was it?" It had been at that moment that Ashton had realized that he was done, done fighting, done trying to hold himself together, done living.  He didn't want to live anymore, it wasn't like he was going to seek out death, but at that moment he realized that he was no longer going to avoid it.  He wasn't going to call Cal or Mikey to come save him when he cut too deep any longer, or took too many pills, and if he just so happened to stumble while walking on the roof of their hotel, and plummet to his death he really wouldn't be too upset.  He was ready to embrace death and the relief it could surely offer.  
   
Ashton had cried as he wrote the letters he intended to leave for Calum and Michael, explaining why he had done what he had, and apologizing for causing them to lose yet another of their friends.  He signed each before placing them in labeled envelopes and setting them in the middle of his freshly made bed.  He had tidied up, not wanting to burden his friends with the task later on, in anticipation of that night.  By that point Ashton had stop avoiding death and had in turn started chasing it, he had given up on the idea of an accident gracing him with the privilege of an untimely demise and had decided to just end it himself.  He had pulled on one of Luke's old jumpers before setting up his materials on the bathroom counter, relishing the fact that Luke's scent still lingered in the soft fabric.  On the bathroom counter had sat a bottle of sleeping pills, a new blade, and his favorite picture of Luke.

"I'm sorry, Lukey, but we'll be together again soon," The curly haired boy had whispered, unscrewing the lid from the pill bottle and pouring several tablets into his hand.  One by one he had swallowed them down, savoring the weight that had begun to settle in his chest.  Ashton had fought through his hazy vision to find the blade on the counter top, fumbling and dropping it several times before securing it in his grip.  He had sunk to the white tiles of the bathroom floor before dragging the blade across his wrists, each one receiving a deep wound from which blood had poured.  Ashton had felt himself start to slip from consciousness, his whole body buzzing as he had fallen into a final slumber.  

  
   
Ashton had opened his eyes to find a blinding brightness unlike anything he had ever seen before, "Luke?" He had called out, eyes searching through the bright white in hopes of finding his lover.

"Over here my love," an undeniably deep and accented voice had breathed.  
Ashton had spun around quickly his eyes finding Luke, legs carrying him toward the taller boy, and his arms securing themselves around Luke's waist.  

"I missed you so much," Ashton had sobbed, burying his face in Luke's toned chest, tears slipping from his eyes.  But he hadn't been crying tears of sadness rather these had been tears of joy at the relief he had felt in holding Luke in his arms.  "I thought that I'd never see you again," he had sniffled.

"You need to go back, Ashton, it's not too late for them to save you," Luke had whispered, squeezing the older boy tightly, "You can't give up, you have to keep trying.... for me, please," he had mumbled into the top of Ashton's head, tears tracking down his pink cheeks.

"No, please Luke, don't make me go back.  I can't take it anymore, it hurts too much, Lukey, it's like I can't breathe without you there," Ashton had pleaded his hazel eyes begging Luke to let him stay, to let him escape his pain.  "Don't leave me again, Luke," he had whimpered, staring into the taller boys cerulean blue eyes.

"Ashton, I can't make you leave, but you shouldn't stay, you have your whole life ahead of you, don't throw that away," Luke had replied, holding Ashton at arm’s length and looking him straight in the eye.  “Don’t waste your life trying to be with me, Ashton, I’m not worth it.”

“Don’t you fucking say that,” Ashton had ranted, “You had your whole fucking life ahead of you too, hell you even had me there to save you, but still you threw it all away, Luke.  I had no one, Luke, absolutely no one.  Sure Cal and Mikey saved my ass more times than I can count but I’m not in love with Cal of Michael, Luke.  I had thought that if for nothing else, you would have at least stayed for me but I was wrong.  And don’t you dare say that you aren’t worth it Luke.  If that were true then I wouldn’t be standing here right now.  Do you understand that?” Ashton’s breath had been ragged with frustration as he had glare at Luke, anger welling in his hazel eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Luke had whispered, pulling Ashton into his arms and holding him tightly, “I am so sorry that I wasn’t strong enough,” he had cried, chest shaking with sobs.

“Shhhh…. Lukey, it’s okay.  We’re together now, and that’s all that matters.” Ashton had soothed, rubbing gentle circles into the younger boys back.  “Forever and always, just you and me,” he had sighed, nuzzling Luke’s chest with his head.  The two boys had sealed their promise of forever with a gentle, innocent kiss, intertwining their fingers before stepping into the blinding light.  
 

And just like that Calum and Michael had lost yet another friend, having found Ashton bled out on the bathroom floor, Luke’s picture held tightly in his stiff, pale fingers.  Just like that the two would force to bury another of their beloved ‘brothers’ and one could only ask, how long would it be before they too, cracked?  
 

**Author's Note:**

> Should I do a part two? Lots of love and thanks for reading, lovelies! <3


End file.
